babies were throwing up all over the place
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
