I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
