Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
