That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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