I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
