so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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