i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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