My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
