I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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