happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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