Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up under a house in Key West
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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