Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
