Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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