I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
