I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
