Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
