Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
