If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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