need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
