I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
