Who did Billy Mays play for?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
