and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
do herpes really smell.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
