There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
