my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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