so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize