so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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