I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
