Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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