I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
