My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
