So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
