1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
