mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
