My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
