someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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