He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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