oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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