all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
