i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
