if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
