sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
