ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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