i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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