we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
