Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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