We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
