you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize