Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
