worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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