If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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