I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
