i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
