I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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