what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
