Kiss
Puke
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
