Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
