Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
