well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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