I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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