I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
