I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she told me i tasted like america
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
