i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I had to cum in my sink.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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