Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
