I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
