Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You are the jesus of drinking
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
