If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
