Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
