I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
