I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
