Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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